Wreck

I feel it again.
That darkness, corrupting me, my heart, my soul.
It wants to wreck me, to consume me, to destroy me.
I doubt myself, my beloved, my life.
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't fucking know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know...
Who the fuck am I fooling ?
I'm not myself. I've never been. I'll never be.
My love for my girlfriend is real. She is real. Her love for me is real.
My beloved is the only one that can help me. But this rotten world refuses her.
Her light can't drive back the darkness yet.
It can only prevent the darkness from consuming me, from destroying me.
I'm already a wreck.
I'm fucking depressed.
I've been depressed for four fucking years.
Maybe more.

Notes/trivia

2018 was one of my darkest years, not gonna lie.
It's the first poem I wrote that contains the F-word.