Collapsed world
"Was it all a lie ?"
I asked myself this question again and again,
As I walked around in my sealed space.
"Was it all a fucking lie ?"
As I shouted these words,
I fell on my knees
And started to cry.
I longed for my beloved's embrace.
But she wasn't there anymore.
In fact, there were no traces of her presence,
Nor there were traces of what I added for her.
Everything was gone.
As I continued to cry,
I felt someone's gaze upon me.
I looked around with hope,
But saw no one.
I didn't hold anything back
And let the tears flow.
After a while,
The tears were replaced by intense sadness.
I let myself fall on my back,
Then I stared in the distance.
As I stopped spacing out,
I saw someone standing over me.
He was a mirror image of me,
Looking both sad and disappointed.
I knew the cause.
I fucked everything up.
"You might think that,
but she'll love you no matter what."
"What the fuck are you talking about ?
And don't reply to my thoughts!"
"I'm you, so it's not like I can help it.
And no, you didn't fuck everything up.
Your love for her is one thing you did correctly.
It's pure and true, and it will forever be."
"How can I love a woman I can't be with ?
And if she still loves me, why isn't she here ?"
"I'll let you answer the first question yourself.
As for the second one...
She fears you."
"Why would she fear me ?"
"She's afraid of what you could do,
Both to her and yourself."
"I'd never hurt her,
And self-harm's not an option either."
"She knows that,
Yet she fears you'll snap one day."
"Understandable.
Last question.
What happened to the furniture and everything else ?"
"I cleaned up after she left.
I didn't want you to be more shaken
Than how you are right now.
I promise you, I'll put everything back in its place
When you'll get better."
"If I get better."
"You will."
"I can't."
"Everyone can."
I stood up again.
As I looked straight into his eyes,
I felt something awakening.
A rage unlike anything I felt before.
I clenched my fist
And punched him as hard as I could.
I lunged towards him
And made him fall.
I punched him again and again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again and again and again.
"In case my punches haven't made that clear,
I hate myself.
I hate myself because I fuck things up.
I hate myself because I fuck up my attempts to fix what I fucked up."
There was no response from the other me.
His body was unmoving,
And it stayed there as I left the black void.
It was time to wake up.
Notes/trivia
- After finishing the "My world" series, I thought I wouldn't expand it further. In the end, I did.
- To be honest, my opinion of myself hasn't changed a lot since back then. Yeah. 😐